Friday, February 9, 2024

Remember when you could make a new friend in an afternoon? As little kids, the foundations of friendship were built on a shared interest – you both loved horses, a certain sports team, or simply that you both happened to be building a sand castle on the beach next to each other. Connecting with others and making friends seemed almost effortless.

Now, while you still want to make friends, it feels exponentially harder. You meet people, make small talk, and the next time you run into them, you smile, give a little wave, and exchange the cursory greetings of “Hi, how are you?” … “Good, you?” … “I’m good.” And then awkward silence quickly follows. What happened?

The good news is, you’re not alone in feeling this. Research shows our world is lonelier than ever. Over half of U.S. adults struggle with loneliness. This lack of connection not only impacts emotional wellness but affects us physically as well. Lonely individuals are at a greater risk for heart disease, stroke, and dementia. However, people with a network of friends sleep better, have lower blood pressure, and even heal faster.

So how do you develop actual friendships instead of merely acquaintances? It’s not something we’re ever taught.

The key is having a plan. Don’t leave it to chance, hoping the right person will come along and strike up a conversation. Two things will make this easier: environment and curiosity. We’ll look at connecting this week and explore curiosity next week.

Connecting

Think back to our childhood example … so many of our friendships were initiated due to connecting through a shared experience or around something we enjoyed.

Re-creating this as an adult can be helpful. You need to position yourself where you can connect with others who share a similar passion and create that shared experience. (Hint: this mutual interest also offers conversation topics to help you avoid that awkward silence.)

For example, take lessons or a class around a skill you love. Libraries and rec centers often offer these at a low cost or for free. Another really easy way to do this is by joining a Group connected to an activity you enjoy. In this case, you know that you’ll immediately hold at least two threads in common with these folks: they want to get to know Jesus better and they also like whatever interest (board games, sport, hobby, etc) the Group was formed around.

This week, identify two or three activities you enjoy doing and seek out potential places to do them.